Most dear, very beloved friend, respected companion

Peace be upon you and the mercy of Allah.

Before this I have already written the reply to your letter, I hope it has been received. Today I feel like speaking with you about some matters…

This spiritual order is a very strange and difficult path. When a man travels a little upon it, doubts and suspicions and thoughts of despair begin to overcome him. Satan puts all his effort into making the servant displeased. For displeasure, the automatic weapon Satan uses is the shell of ego. That is, a man begins to shrink into his ego. What he thinks, he conjectures about his self, his ego, and his individuality, personality. If a little work is done for Allah, he considers it a great achievement. And because of this weakness he establishes rights over Allah. This slips from the tongue, that what treatment has Allah done with us.

Just a week ago, a millionaire said, my friend has become rebellious against Allah. Because Allah did not accept his prayer. He had prayed that his father remain alive, he spent lakhs of rupees on treatment but the father died. Now he remains all the time lost and intoxicated in wine and meat.

I replied, first of all, this prayer itself was wrong. If you will not die, then how will your son sit upon your chair. Dying and living, both matters are so certain that from them there is no escape. Tell me this, your friend, the house in which he lives, how much price of the land of that house has he given to Allah. The wealth with which he sits, who gave it. If he had been born with a weak mind, or had neither hands nor feet, if he had been the son of a beggar and destitute, then from where would he drink wine.

My dear
You are a soul of extreme beauty and a mind of charm
And this charm, this beauty, is not your accomplishment
Allah has created you this way

Despair and anxious thoughts are part of the path
When a traveler sets out on a journey, they must face storms, dust, and fatigue
The true traveler is the one who keeps moving towards the destination
Their purpose is nothing but the destination
And because the destination does not appear before them, they keep walking in every condition

I am certain that you will come out of these troubling thoughts
which arise for everyone on this path

You have made me your teacher
And I too have accepted you as the light of my eyes
It is my duty to keep making you aware of the mazes of the path
It is your duty to accept nothing, neither great nor small, nor temporary except the destination

When the destination is reached, everything else bows before the one who has arrived

Whenever your smiling, cheerful face comes to mind in a state of tension
I become restless
Because I know that only those who remain happy can become friends of Allah
Those who remain unhappy are not made Allah’s friends.

You know that here in this world there is no “yours and mine.” Someone will leave us, and most we will leave. Our last wealth is two yards of grave. That too if it is given to us. Our physical system is the food of worms in the grave. Our ego turns into particles of dust. And the particles of ego are trampled by men, dogs, cats, donkeys, cows, buffaloes under their feet.

How many great kings’ heads and their crowns, how many great Nimrods, Pharaohs, Shaddads, Qaruns have passed away. The earth swallowed them and turned them into particles of dust, and today upon those very particles made from the brains and bodies of Nimrods, Pharaohs, Shaddads, and Qaruns, we walk, we spit, and we spoil them with our filth.

My friend!

In my youth I had read an incident.

A man enclosed in the shell of his ego did much austerity. In his own thought, he advanced Allah’s works. Begging from people he built temples. Lived life like kings. And became pleased giving dry bread to Allah’s creation. Leaving the conscious world, when he knocked at the door of the unconscious, Hazrat Iblis received him. In the guise of a noble, long-bearded elder, finely dressed,

Iblis said: your joys, charity, worship and austerity have pleased Allah. Now you will be given a journey of the heavens. The man bound in the shell of ego closed his eyes and the journey began. Flight went from low to high, then descent from high to low.

When the eyes opened, on a garbage heap where there was nothing but stench, foul odor and filth, that man lay smeared.

Hazrat Qalandar Baba Auliya (may Allah’s mercy be upon him) says:

When a servant takes a step for Allah, he thinks I have done a favor upon Allah. Why does he not think that Allah provided him sustenance for nine months in his mother’s womb, after birth for two years arranged food without effort, provided air, water, oxygen, all means of life, did not take a single coin. Gave health, children, honor and dignity, gave intellect to do business.

A servant after birth lives seventy (70), eighty (80) years. Struts on Allah’s earth. Rebels. Knows nothing of Allah. Sets a higher price upon Allah’s spread provisions than upon Allah Himself. Still Allah remembers him at every step.

My friend!

I too am a man like you. I have written all this because through the grace of my noble Murshid, a few realities have been unveiled to me. Those realities which I came to know, I want you also to form relation with them.

For a traveler walking on the path it is easy that, taking effect from a faithless environment, he leaves the path. But once a traveler strays from the path, he never again finds guidance.

My son!

You know how much I love. I also know how much you love me. We both are travelers of perception. It does not matter if one traveler is one station ahead, the other one station behind. Both travelers will find the sign of destination only when they keep walking and do not spoil the path.

In my life there was a time that it had become a house of doubts, suspicions, uncertainties, and whispers. When I took steps on the path of certainty, the storm of whispers and doubts attacked me. I said: what did I get in return for this. For such a long period I called upon Allah, why did Allah not answer. Gathered nights into my eyes, why no unveiling occurred. My right over my Murshid is this, is that…..what did he give me. For the Silsila I made day and night one, what did I get from the Silsila. Why was that man favored, why was I kept deprived?

All the letters that used to come addressed to Hazrat Qalandar Baba Auliya (may Allah’s mercy be upon him)….I had the honor that I would read them aloud. And I also wrote the replies.

One day I submitted: Hazoor, I sacrifice myself for you. Do I not even have as much ability as this person whose letter I have read?

Hazoor said: no, you do not have ability.

Sometimes I would think…this lady, MashaAllah, makes such good journeys, flying about in the heavens. Am I even worse than her?

He said: yes.

When the water went above the head, and attacks of despair began upon me, when Satan made me his instrument…..one day Murshid had mercy.

He said: Khawaja Sahib, sit down.

He asked: what is my relation with you? I said: I am your servant. He said: that is correct, but what am I to you?

I, trembling, said: Hazoor, you are my beloved.

Smiling he said: see, the problem is solved. Now tell me, when the beloved is in your arms, can any other thought come? And if it does come, then it is insult of the beloved. Because after the beloved’s embrace, if a thought comes, then in truth it is the beloved whose thought is coming. You want to see Paradise. You want to fly in the heavens.

Then how is your beloved me? Your beloved is Paradise, is flight, is unveiling and miracles.

My companion! Believe me, I trembled, and my eyes grew wet. The world in my heart became a house of mourning. With weary steps I rose and placed my head on Murshid’s feet and wept, when noble Murshid gave a sigh and embraced me to his chest.
The taste of union with the beloved even today is alive within me. And it is this very taste of union that keeps me restless day and night. In search of this taste I did not leave a place unreached.

I saw every corner of Paradise. In the heights of heavens I saw the beauty of the angelic wings of attributes. In the holy bodies of the exalted assembly I saw the reflection of divine radiance. I went about the layers of Hell. I saw death. I wrestled with death. I saw that which there are no words to describe.
But…the taste of union with Murshid I did not find. Every moment after dying I live because I will gain nearness to Murshid. After living, every moment I die because I will gain union with Murshid.

When I look within, Murshid is seen. When I look outside, Murshid’s glimpse falls.

Ah, what taste of union it was that after ages passing still the soul is in yearning, in agitation, in waiting. With this certainty I live, with this certainty I will die, with this certainty I will live again that noble Murshid, Hazrat Qalandar Baba Auliya (may Allah’s mercy be upon him), will once again embrace me to his chest and gather me within him so completely that my existence will be dissolved, and no one will know that Murshid and disciple are two separate layers.

Traveler of the spiritual path, my son, I wished to write a few lines to you. But within me the restrained storm of love for my noble Murshid burst forth, and I kept writing the tale of madness. May my madness become your madness.

(Ameen)

By Beloved Khawaja Shamsuddin Azeemi RA, Booklet: Beloved in My Arms